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I can breathe. I finally got some therapy today. It was informal, short-term therapy with someone who was compassionate and insightful. We talked for two hours with no agendas, just to help me get things off my chest and help me feel better. I feel like a ten pound weight has been lifted off my chest. I am confident that I can handle my life and I'm looking forward to having Sly home on Monday. It may have taken a lot of work to get to someone who could help me, but I'm so glad I did the work. Thank you for everyone who has kept me in their thoughts and prayers. We're gonna make it. I am going to be stronger and wiser because of this experience and I will keep walking towards the horizon.

In Which I Bake

So when I graduated from college I bought myself a fancy bread cookbook and said that I was going to take some time to remember what it was like to be human and I would make that journey through baking bread. Yeah, well, that cookbook then proceeded to languish on the shelf through my first marriage, the arrival and subsequent fabulous-ness of the Sly, my second marriage...and well, you get the picture.

After finding out Sly was sensitive to wheat I seriously considered just giving the book away. But our household isn't completely wheat-free and Lance and I still enjoy good bread.

In my journey to find happiness lately, I decided to break out the book as we are running low on grocery money at the end of the month (because I over-spent at the co-op...Oops.) and I have a fair amount of time on my hands. I also just really want to use it. With my considering going back to school in the fall and with Lance slated to deploy next January, I am trying to get myself into the healthiest mind-state I can manage.

Which is why I have a beautiful dough rising on my stove that I will shape into two baguettes and a round loaf. This will be sandwich bread for the rest of the week and the accompaniment to the spaghetti I'm making Wednesday night. I must say, it feels amazing.

This is my first time baking bread with a poolish. And it may not turn out perfect because I left it to rise in the oven with the light on and that was a touch too warm. Ideally, it should be rising at 75-80 degrees Fahrenheit and it was 90 degrees when I pulled it out of the oven to begin incorporating it into the final dough. I also folded the bread at the wrong time, but it looks beautiful. And as first tries go, I've followed the recipe and directions fairly well. I have a few more techniques to fiddle with, but I can see myself making beautiful bread for quite some time.

Next month, I anticipate buying yeast from the co-op and flour too. I want some organic flour that is cheaper than $3.50 a pound, so if they have that, I'm going to jump on it. Man, there are so many reasons that this bread baking fills me with joy. One of them is that it makes me feel connected with my ancestors. I was actually so excited I was up early this morning! That's saying something.


Feeling Fierce

Some days, you just need to feel fierce. There are days when I wake up and know it's going to be one of those days. Today, we treated the need by rockin' a 50's-style pin-up hair do. It took three tries, but the results were well...fierce.
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I am alive

Alaska was amazing. Absolutely amazing. I loved it and it was gorgeous. My vacation went by entirely too fast, but that is the nature of vacations. We went white water rafting, hiking and just explored a lot. Plus we gamed our hearts out.

We got to Ft. Stewart Monday night. We picked up Lance's car from Charleston and have been staying in the lodging on post. That was a very long, tiring day. But we did get to spend good time together and that was lovely.

Yesterday we found a house. We are signing the lease on it today. It's a beautiful three bedroom on a corner lot. It has more room than I've ever had in a house before and that's pretty awesome. It's also within the amount the army gives us for housing. Can't ask for anything better than that!

So we should be in our new house this week. We're going to try and schedule our household good delivery for next week. Then I'll just be getting settled in.

The Kindreds have really watched over us this move. I feel so very blessed.

Amazing Alaska

So far, Alaska has been a blast. Tomorrow we are going whitewater rafting. Today we relaxed, bought me new glasses and went to an awesome imports store. The light all the time takes some getting used to though. The guys took Sly to the park to play. She's really having a lot of fun. It is amazing how comfortable this house is even when it's full to bursting with grown-ups. Our circle is so very close and I had forgotten how much we all love and care about each other. Tonight there will be lots of gaming. It is nice to see how much we are all slightly different people, but we all still fit together. <3

Motivation Moves Along

So. I have roughly sixteen days until my household goods get picked up. In that time, I need to finish sorting through my stuff and getting rid of things. I am also hosting a bbq, taking the cat to the vet, taking my Dedicant Oath and trying to decide whether or not to go to Lance's to see him graduate from his school or not. I will get this stuff done dammit! And if not, the movers will pack my shit whether it is organized or not. The army pays them to pack it, not to judge me.

My Dedicant Path stuff is nearly finished. I'm still working on some essays. My goal is to have everything turned in before we report to Georgia in August. That may seem like a lot to put on top of the move, but I am really feeling the moving and shaking in my world that says it's time to move on to the next bit.

Cardio Appt Today

I am awake! And I showered and got dressed. I need to pack up a breakfast for Sly and I. Then get her awake and moving. She has a cardio appointment in an hour and a half and it takes half an hour to get there without traffic. We're leaving in twenty minutes.

This isn't so much an appointment to worry about. They are just checking to make sure the repair stayed in place. They do that about once a year. Looking forward to seeing the inside of her heart all fixed and stuff. It still makes me tear up every time I see it.

Today is going to be a good day...I can feel it.

MMMM...Berry Cobbler

So I made my first WW recipe last night. I was surprised how tasty it is. I had expected it to taste a bit more like it was healthy, if you know what I mean. Unfortunately, the recipe cost more points after I made it wheat and dairy free. Apparently rice flour costs five more points a cup than wheat flour does. :-( But making dessert seems to be a pretty fun experience and as this recipe was super easy, I can foresee throwing it together again. I may even switch up the fruit and see how that goes. I love me some cobbler!

Crazy Scale

So I bought a new scale a few weeks ago. I've been using it for my weight watchers weigh ins. And so far, I've found it to be fairly reasonable with occasional moments of insanity. It's a German scale. Therefore, I expect it to be reliable and dependable. This morning, it consistently told me I weigh 211.6 pounds. This, ladies and gentleman, is impossible. Last Monday, I weighed 217.6 pounds. There is no way I lost six pounds in a week of eating everything I wanted and drinking as often as I liked. Granted, there was plenty of physical activity, but not enough to burn off the giant hole I dug myself into points wise. I did get one weight of 215.6 pounds and that is what I recorded on the site. We'll see if the scale continues to be insane and if so, I may need to buy a new one. But that will sadden me and disappoint my confidence in German engineering. Well, maybe that last bit is a little melodramatic.



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June 2012


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